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New Water Bottles For Sale

May 18, 2016 3:30pm | George Washington

The night was dark and stormy, and Oliver Stretch ’16, was plotting. Fed up with newly elected President Ginger Gorgeous’s hay bale policies and “horse-like leadership”, Stetch planned to depose her. Luckily the Pony Secret Service caught Stretch earlier this morning, thwarting his attempted horsey coup d’etat. […]

Stretch Implicated In Horse Coup

April 30, 2016 9:06pm | Mark Z. Danielewski

The night was dark and stormy, and Oliver Stretch ’16, was plotting. Fed up with newly elected President Ginger Gorgeous’s hay bale policies and “horse-like leadership”, Stetch planned to depose her. Luckily the Pony Secret Service caught Stretch earlier this morning, thwarting his attempted horsey coup d’etat. […]

StuCo President Election Results Shock

April 30, 2016 8:43pm | Jeffrey Eugenides

It should have been a safe assumption that our president-elect would come from the pool of six finalists running for office, or at least that the president would be human. As yesterday proved, both of these assumptions would be wrong. Write in candidate Ginger Gorgeous, a […]

Chess Team Competes – Loses

April 30, 2016 8:33pm | William Faulkner

PBJ Highschool’s chess team came back from their game against Nutella and Fluff High yesterday, their heads hung low in defeat. Speaking about her team’s loss, captain Addie Bundren said, “N&F chessed better than we ever could hope to. Since the loss, my team has […]

Really Dark: Night Classes at PBJ High School

April 30, 2016 8:13pm | David Foster Wallace

While some PBJ kids are asleep or relaxing, there is an intrepid portion of our student body that fights off exhaustion to attend class. These fearless students take remedial classes, attend AP study courses, and more during the wee hours of the night. We reached out […]

Ambitious Anna

April 29, 2016 6:10pm | Count Vronsky

Annalise Karinpenski ’16 has developed numerous iOS apps on her own time. She said that she does this specifically to demonstrate happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Everything was in confusion in the Oblonsky’s house. The wife […]

Cafeteria Should Compost Uneaten Food

April 29, 2016 3:31pm | Arther E. Wormly

As global warming continues to heat up the Earth, it’s becoming even more important to pay attention to not just recycling more, but throwing less out. Food waste is a large problem is the United States. About 95 percent of the food we throw away ends up in […]

Star athlete sustains injury, out for season

April 29, 2016 3:29am | Herman Melville

Junior Alice Smith was training for her upcoming soccer game when she tripped and suddenly found herself falling down a very deep hole in the middle of the field. Little did she know, a rabbit had dug its way into the middle of the soccer field, […]

Horses disrupt classroom discussion

April 29, 2016 1:51am | Ginger Gorgeous

Ginger and I were not of the regular tall carriage horse breed, we had more of the racing blood in us. We stood about fifteen and a half hands high; we were therefore just as good for riding as we were for driving, and our […]

Endangered species deserve attention

April 29, 2016 1:46am | Mopy Slick

Shaking off the sleet from my ice-glazed hat and jacket, I seated myself near the door, and turning sideways was surprised to see Queequeg near me. Affected by the solemnity of the scene, there was a wondering gaze of incredulous curiosity in his countenance. This […]